How To Fight Right

Unfortunatly, a Refaree is needed in some homes :( If your home feels more like an armory than a place of harmony, then this message is for you!

Proverbs 11:29a (LB) “The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left.”

Your anger could cost you everything that you have. Every disagreement in marriage either leads to a breakdown or a breakthrough—a breakdown in the relationship or a breakthrough into a new level of intimacy. You’ll need to have more breakthroughs than breakdowns or you will breakup. Breakthroughs will happen more frequently as you learn to handle your anger.

THE ANATOMY OF AN ARGUMENT

Phase 1: Recognition - "We have a problem"
Phase 2: Reaction - "I'm upset about it!" (A lot of marriages never get past phase 2—they get stuck in the Reaction phase. Typically there are two reactions to anger—being aggressive or being passive. (Skunk and a Turtle) Which one are you? When a skunk gets angry they stink up the place. When a turtle gets angry they withdraw into their shell. One is violent and one is silent. One blows up the other clams up. (Neither of them are the right way to live.) It’s not right to explode and it’s not right to implode—both are harmful to others and to you. We must learn to express our anger appropriately.) Arguments need to lead to...
Phase 3: (NO it’s not Resentment!) Resolution -"What are we going to do about it?"

For there to be resolution we need to learn the importance of DEALING APPROPRIATELY WITH ANGER

1. I NEED TO ADMIT MY ANGER

Ephesians 4:25-26a (LB) “Stop lying to each other; tell the truth, for we are parts of each other and when we lie to each other we are hurting ourselves. If you are angry, don’t sin by nursing your grudge...”

2. I NEED TO UNDERSTAND MY ANGER

Proverbs 19:11 (NIV) “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.”

The more I understand my anger the more patient I am going to be. We get irritated by surface issues but we get angry by life issues. Ever notice how most arguments seldom start with the real problem? They usually start with a surface irritation—you only get to the real problem if you hang in there, continue to talk until both of you get to the root of WHY you are angry!

WHY we get angry:
• We get angry when we feel unaccepted.
• We get angry when we feel unappreciated.
• We get angry when we feel uncertain.
• We get angry when we feel unsupported.

3. I NEED TO DEAL IMMEDIATELY WITH MY ANGER

Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV) “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”
Job 18:4a (GNT) “You are only hurting yourself with your anger.”
James 1:20 (NIV) “...man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”

4. I NEED TO CONTROL MY ANGER

Proverbs 29:11 (NIV) “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”
Proverbs 25:28 (GNT) “If you cannot control your anger, you are as helpless as a city without walls, open to attack.”
Proverbs 11:29a (LB) “The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left.”

Understand, the quickest way to cut your own throat is by your own sharp tongue. If you are wrong...admit it. Winning the argument isn’t worth losing your family! You are going to fight--just learn to fight right!