How To Get Them To Listen

Think of an issue that you need to bring up…something that needs to be said to someone: The better you plan what you are going to say the more persuasive you are going to be. A lot of time, we get ourselves in trouble because we open our mouths without thinking first. If you don’t plan what to say then what you say will not have the impact that it could have had. These steps will help you get them to listen.

1. They will listen if you choose the right time.

Every great communicator knows that timing is everything. Columbia University did a study and found out that most violent arguments occur right before meal times (the blood sugar is low and frustrations are high). You can have a great message—but share it at the wrong time and it will fall flat. You may be ready to talk but are they ready to HEAR you?

Ecclesiastes 8:6 (GNT) “There is a right time and a right way to do everything...”
Proverbs 25:11 (Msg) “The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry.”

2. They will listen if you put some thought into what you are going to say.

Proverbs 16:23 (GNT) “Intelligent people think before they speak; what they say is then more persuasive.”
Proverbs 15:2 (GNT) “When wise people speak, they make knowledge attractive...”
Proverbs 16:21 (GNT) “A wise, mature person is known for his understanding. The more pleasant his words, the more persuasive he is.”

3. They will listen if you begin with their needs.

Ephesians 4:29 (NIV) “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Why start with their needs? Because at the base of our scull God placed something called Reticular Activating System (RAS). The RAS is a God given filter that was placed in our minds so that we don’t have to consciously reply to every stimuli. The RAS filters out repetitive stimuli, preventing sensory overload. Neurologists say only three things get through to us:

• Things that threaten us.
• Things that are unique to us.
• Things that are of value to us.

THREATS get our attention, UNIQUEthings get our attention…and things we VALUE get our attention. Start with what the person your are talking to VALUES, start with their NEEDS, start with what will BENEFIT them, and they will hear you!

4. They will listen if you hear them first.

Proverbs 18:13 (Msg) “Answering before listening is both stupid and rude.”

Have you ever been so anxious to get your point across that you had absolutely no idea what the person in front of you just said? How many arguments have been started with “But I thought you meant…” or “I assumed…” (This gets harder the longer you are married because you ‘know each other” and therefore assume more) Stop and listen, God gave you two ears and one mouth you could listen twice as much as you speak. :)

James 1:19 (NRSV) “...be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger;”

5. They will listen if you arrive at a conclusion.

Philippians 4:2a (Msg) “I urge Euodia and Syntyche to iron out their differences and make up. God doesn’t want his children holding grudges.”

These two women, Euodia and Syntyche, did not live up to the meanings of their names. “Euodia” means a “prosperous journey.” “Syntyche” means a “pleasant acquaintance.” –THE JOURNEY THESE TWO WOMEN WERE ON SURE WASN’T’ PLEASANT!

At one time they contended at Paul’s side in the cause of the gospel. But as he wrote this letter, they were at odds with each other. They were contentious, rather than content.

THESE TWO TEACH US A LOT ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF RESOLVING CONFLICT.

Paul pleaded with these two to agree with each other in the Lord,--their issues with one another were causing division in the church..

AT HOME, JUST AS IN THE CHURCH, RESOLVING CONFLICT IS VITAL. This step is SO important but a lot of people quit before they ever get here...they just keep lapping the same problems. They go round and round and have the same fights over and over again—they NEVER resolve anything.—and when the subject comes up the other person doesn’t listen anymore because, what would be the point?

• “I’ll get around to it” needs to be replaced with a “date and a time”.
• Instead of ending with “yeah we really need to work on that”—stay with the conversation until you can “implement a plan that stops the destructive behavior.”

If the conversation doesn’t end with a plan to make improvements, then it was a waste of your time and theirs.

Don’t leave your differences all wrinkled—IRON them out.

• Reaffirm your commitment to the relationship.
• Reaffirm your love for each other.
• Reaffirm your love for God.

Remember, when God is in the equation there is always a solution.