Understanding Your Husband’s Deepest Needs

Like with the my Mother's Day sermon "Understanding Your Wife's Deepest Needs," the main points in this Father’s Day message come from the classic book by Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr., His Needs/Her Needs. Dr Harley's ground breaking work is the result of thousands of couples studied over a period of 25 yrs. The five areas that will be discussed in this post are statistically the TOP FIVE needs of most men and Biblically, they hold water!

1. MY HUSBAND NEEDS PHYSICAL INTIMACY.

1 Cor 7:3 (Msg) “The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband.”

Ladies, think about something: Most of a man’s “Needs” that we will talk about today can be partially satisfied outside of marriage BUT THIS ONE can only be satisfied HONORABLY within marriage. You both made a commitment when you got married to look ONLY to each other for this NEED!

1 Cor 7:5 (NIV) “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

The Bible says that the ONLY time a husband and a wife are to deprive each other of intimacy is to pray! (And let me tell you, Guys hope that is one short prayer!) :)

If this need is not being met at home a battle begins in his life—it is every man’s battle—their commitment to God may be great but they will be tempted. They may stay faithful but they will be miserable. (Why contribute to their temptation?)

Understand something: You are helping your husband’s thought life by giving him YOURSELF. If he is fulfilled at home the battle to remain faithful will be less intense. It’s your choice: Do you want your man on the front lines of this battle exposed to all the world’s offerings or do you want him tucked away in a tank of your affection—safely satisfied with YOU—the one he chose to be faithful to in the first place!

2. MY HUSBAND NEEDS RECREATIONAL COMPANIONSHIP

Men are boys in big bodies. We still like our toys they’re just more expensive! :)

Prov 17:22 (Msg) “A cheerful disposition is good for your health; gloom and doom leave you bone-tired.”

Ecc 9:9 (LB) “Live happily with the woman you love through the fleeting days of life, for the wife God gives you is your best reward down here for all your earthly toil.”

You’ve heard this true statement: “When a husband and wife PRAY together they stay together”—BUT it is also true that “When a husband and wife PLAY together they stay together.” Share fun times with each other. Find some things that you both enjoy doing and do them together! Play and Laugh together! You don’t need to do everything together but you should do some fun things together.

Listen to what Dr. Harley suggests: “Imagine that around each of you is drawn an invisible circle encompassing all your recreational interests and sources of enjoyment. Within each of your circles there are bound to be some interests that overlap. You may not enjoy these equally, but to some degree they please both of you. Once you find these sources of pleasure, you have your overlapping area of interests to pursue together.” ("His Needs/Her Needs" pg. 79)

3. MY HUSBAND NEEDS AN ATTRACTIVE SPOUSE

1 Sam 16:7c (NIV) “...Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

Its not JUST outward beauty: Prov 31:10-11 (NIV) “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.”

Prov 31:30 (NIV) “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

4. MY HUSBAND NEEDS DOMESTIC SUPPORT

Martin Luther said, "Let the wife make her husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.”

Prov 17:1 (NIV) “Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife.”

Titus 2:2-5 (NLT) “Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have sound faith and be filled with love and patience. Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.”

5. MY HUSBAND NEEDS ADMIRATION

Eph. 5:33 (NIV) "...each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Prov 31:11-12 (NIV) “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”

Men and women often differ on how they evaluate their self-worth. Women typically gain security and esteem from relationships. Men gain most of their confidence through their work. Our self-worth is largely based on what we do and how we think we are being perceived by others. I think proof of that is the fact that when men meet other people they often ask "What do you do?”--We measure each other constantly and want to be respected consistently.

A man’s NAME means something! Prov 22:1 (NIV) “A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.”

Titus 2:2 (NLT) “Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have sound faith and be filled with love and patience.”

Ladies, you can have the man of your dreams by being the woman of his.