Weathering the Storms of Life

We finish our series today. I hope it has been helpful. This final installment is written to help prepare you for tomorrow. We are going to look at three external forces that threaten to destroy your home:

• RAINS that erode your roof.
• FLOODS that threaten your foundation.
• WINDS that shake your structure.

Many of us are UNPREPARED for the inevitable storms of life. Consequently, making the right choices today will help prepare us for tomorrow and the storms that are sure to come.

Where is you home is built?—better yet, on WHOM is it built?

Matthew 7:24-25 (NIV) “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.”

THREE EXTERNAL FORCES THAT THREATEN YOUR HOME:

1. "RAINS" – Preparing for the culture we are living in.

Does our society work for or against the family? Against it. The pressures you face are more severe today than they were even a decade ago—society is not going to get better it will continue to get worse.

2 Timothy 3:1-5 (NIV) “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them.”

Attitudes that can erode your marriage:
• Humanism "It’s my way or the highway"
• Materialism "I want more money and more stuff"
• Hedonism "If it feels good do it”

Romans 12:2 (NIV) “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.”

2. "FLOODS" – Preparing for the crises we are going to live through.

Psalm 69:1-3 (LB) “Save me, O my God. The floods have risen. Deeper and deeper I sink in the mire; the waters rise around me. I have wept until I am exhausted; my throat is dry and hoarse; my eyes are swollen with weeping, waiting for my God to act.”

Isaiah 43:1-2b (NLT) “...the one who formed you says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown...”

When you're in over your head, when the floods come, do THREE things:

*Relax in God's Plan. He says, "Don't be afraid." Don't get uptight. Don't worry. God has a plan for your life. God's plan for your life is always greater than the problems you're going through. God's purpose for your life is always more significant and more powerful than the problems you're facing. Yes, you're having problems. Yes, it's a crisis but floods always recede and you need to hang on.

*Recognize God's Presence. When you go through deep waters and great troubles, He says, "I will be with you." You're never alone when you're going through a crisis. You may think you are alone but you're not. God is with you. You need to tune into that, recognize it. Open up your eyes and see, "God is here with me, I'm not in this alone." Recognize God's presence when the flood comes along.

*Rely on God's Protection. "When you go through the rivers of difficulty, you will not drown." That's a promise. You can count on it. You’re going to get wet but you're not going to drown. God is with you. And He STILL has a plan for your life.

3. "WINDS" – Preparing for the changes we are going to live with.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NLT) “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.”

Proverbs 20:30 (GNT) “Sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change our ways.”

Philippians 4:11-13 (NIV) “...I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.”

Storms are inevitable and some storms seem to last forever...but HOLD ON. You will see the sun and the SON again!

Understanding Your Husband’s Deepest Needs

Like with the my Mother's Day sermon "Understanding Your Wife's Deepest Needs," the main points in this Father’s Day message come from the classic book by Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr., His Needs/Her Needs. Dr Harley's ground breaking work is the result of thousands of couples studied over a period of 25 yrs. The five areas that will be discussed in this post are statistically the TOP FIVE needs of most men and Biblically, they hold water!

1. MY HUSBAND NEEDS PHYSICAL INTIMACY.

1 Cor 7:3 (Msg) “The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband.”

Ladies, think about something: Most of a man’s “Needs” that we will talk about today can be partially satisfied outside of marriage BUT THIS ONE can only be satisfied HONORABLY within marriage. You both made a commitment when you got married to look ONLY to each other for this NEED!

1 Cor 7:5 (NIV) “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

The Bible says that the ONLY time a husband and a wife are to deprive each other of intimacy is to pray! (And let me tell you, Guys hope that is one short prayer!) :)

If this need is not being met at home a battle begins in his life—it is every man’s battle—their commitment to God may be great but they will be tempted. They may stay faithful but they will be miserable. (Why contribute to their temptation?)

Understand something: You are helping your husband’s thought life by giving him YOURSELF. If he is fulfilled at home the battle to remain faithful will be less intense. It’s your choice: Do you want your man on the front lines of this battle exposed to all the world’s offerings or do you want him tucked away in a tank of your affection—safely satisfied with YOU—the one he chose to be faithful to in the first place!

2. MY HUSBAND NEEDS RECREATIONAL COMPANIONSHIP

Men are boys in big bodies. We still like our toys they’re just more expensive! :)

Prov 17:22 (Msg) “A cheerful disposition is good for your health; gloom and doom leave you bone-tired.”

Ecc 9:9 (LB) “Live happily with the woman you love through the fleeting days of life, for the wife God gives you is your best reward down here for all your earthly toil.”

You’ve heard this true statement: “When a husband and wife PRAY together they stay together”—BUT it is also true that “When a husband and wife PLAY together they stay together.” Share fun times with each other. Find some things that you both enjoy doing and do them together! Play and Laugh together! You don’t need to do everything together but you should do some fun things together.

Listen to what Dr. Harley suggests: “Imagine that around each of you is drawn an invisible circle encompassing all your recreational interests and sources of enjoyment. Within each of your circles there are bound to be some interests that overlap. You may not enjoy these equally, but to some degree they please both of you. Once you find these sources of pleasure, you have your overlapping area of interests to pursue together.” ("His Needs/Her Needs" pg. 79)

3. MY HUSBAND NEEDS AN ATTRACTIVE SPOUSE

1 Sam 16:7c (NIV) “...Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

Its not JUST outward beauty: Prov 31:10-11 (NIV) “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.”

Prov 31:30 (NIV) “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

4. MY HUSBAND NEEDS DOMESTIC SUPPORT

Martin Luther said, "Let the wife make her husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.”

Prov 17:1 (NIV) “Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife.”

Titus 2:2-5 (NLT) “Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have sound faith and be filled with love and patience. Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.”

5. MY HUSBAND NEEDS ADMIRATION

Eph. 5:33 (NIV) "...each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Prov 31:11-12 (NIV) “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”

Men and women often differ on how they evaluate their self-worth. Women typically gain security and esteem from relationships. Men gain most of their confidence through their work. Our self-worth is largely based on what we do and how we think we are being perceived by others. I think proof of that is the fact that when men meet other people they often ask "What do you do?”--We measure each other constantly and want to be respected consistently.

A man’s NAME means something! Prov 22:1 (NIV) “A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.”

Titus 2:2 (NLT) “Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have sound faith and be filled with love and patience.”

Ladies, you can have the man of your dreams by being the woman of his.

How To Fight Right

Unfortunatly, a Refaree is needed in some homes :( If your home feels more like an armory than a place of harmony, then this message is for you!

Proverbs 11:29a (LB) “The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left.”

Your anger could cost you everything that you have. Every disagreement in marriage either leads to a breakdown or a breakthrough—a breakdown in the relationship or a breakthrough into a new level of intimacy. You’ll need to have more breakthroughs than breakdowns or you will breakup. Breakthroughs will happen more frequently as you learn to handle your anger.

THE ANATOMY OF AN ARGUMENT

Phase 1: Recognition - "We have a problem"
Phase 2: Reaction - "I'm upset about it!" (A lot of marriages never get past phase 2—they get stuck in the Reaction phase. Typically there are two reactions to anger—being aggressive or being passive. (Skunk and a Turtle) Which one are you? When a skunk gets angry they stink up the place. When a turtle gets angry they withdraw into their shell. One is violent and one is silent. One blows up the other clams up. (Neither of them are the right way to live.) It’s not right to explode and it’s not right to implode—both are harmful to others and to you. We must learn to express our anger appropriately.) Arguments need to lead to...
Phase 3: (NO it’s not Resentment!) Resolution -"What are we going to do about it?"

For there to be resolution we need to learn the importance of DEALING APPROPRIATELY WITH ANGER

1. I NEED TO ADMIT MY ANGER

Ephesians 4:25-26a (LB) “Stop lying to each other; tell the truth, for we are parts of each other and when we lie to each other we are hurting ourselves. If you are angry, don’t sin by nursing your grudge...”

2. I NEED TO UNDERSTAND MY ANGER

Proverbs 19:11 (NIV) “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.”

The more I understand my anger the more patient I am going to be. We get irritated by surface issues but we get angry by life issues. Ever notice how most arguments seldom start with the real problem? They usually start with a surface irritation—you only get to the real problem if you hang in there, continue to talk until both of you get to the root of WHY you are angry!

WHY we get angry:
• We get angry when we feel unaccepted.
• We get angry when we feel unappreciated.
• We get angry when we feel uncertain.
• We get angry when we feel unsupported.

3. I NEED TO DEAL IMMEDIATELY WITH MY ANGER

Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV) “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”
Job 18:4a (GNT) “You are only hurting yourself with your anger.”
James 1:20 (NIV) “...man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”

4. I NEED TO CONTROL MY ANGER

Proverbs 29:11 (NIV) “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”
Proverbs 25:28 (GNT) “If you cannot control your anger, you are as helpless as a city without walls, open to attack.”
Proverbs 11:29a (LB) “The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left.”

Understand, the quickest way to cut your own throat is by your own sharp tongue. If you are wrong...admit it. Winning the argument isn’t worth losing your family! You are going to fight--just learn to fight right!

How To Get Them To Listen

Think of an issue that you need to bring up…something that needs to be said to someone: The better you plan what you are going to say the more persuasive you are going to be. A lot of time, we get ourselves in trouble because we open our mouths without thinking first. If you don’t plan what to say then what you say will not have the impact that it could have had. These steps will help you get them to listen.

1. They will listen if you choose the right time.

Every great communicator knows that timing is everything. Columbia University did a study and found out that most violent arguments occur right before meal times (the blood sugar is low and frustrations are high). You can have a great message—but share it at the wrong time and it will fall flat. You may be ready to talk but are they ready to HEAR you?

Ecclesiastes 8:6 (GNT) “There is a right time and a right way to do everything...”
Proverbs 25:11 (Msg) “The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry.”

2. They will listen if you put some thought into what you are going to say.

Proverbs 16:23 (GNT) “Intelligent people think before they speak; what they say is then more persuasive.”
Proverbs 15:2 (GNT) “When wise people speak, they make knowledge attractive...”
Proverbs 16:21 (GNT) “A wise, mature person is known for his understanding. The more pleasant his words, the more persuasive he is.”

3. They will listen if you begin with their needs.

Ephesians 4:29 (NIV) “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Why start with their needs? Because at the base of our scull God placed something called Reticular Activating System (RAS). The RAS is a God given filter that was placed in our minds so that we don’t have to consciously reply to every stimuli. The RAS filters out repetitive stimuli, preventing sensory overload. Neurologists say only three things get through to us:

• Things that threaten us.
• Things that are unique to us.
• Things that are of value to us.

THREATS get our attention, UNIQUEthings get our attention…and things we VALUE get our attention. Start with what the person your are talking to VALUES, start with their NEEDS, start with what will BENEFIT them, and they will hear you!

4. They will listen if you hear them first.

Proverbs 18:13 (Msg) “Answering before listening is both stupid and rude.”

Have you ever been so anxious to get your point across that you had absolutely no idea what the person in front of you just said? How many arguments have been started with “But I thought you meant…” or “I assumed…” (This gets harder the longer you are married because you ‘know each other” and therefore assume more) Stop and listen, God gave you two ears and one mouth you could listen twice as much as you speak. :)

James 1:19 (NRSV) “...be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger;”

5. They will listen if you arrive at a conclusion.

Philippians 4:2a (Msg) “I urge Euodia and Syntyche to iron out their differences and make up. God doesn’t want his children holding grudges.”

These two women, Euodia and Syntyche, did not live up to the meanings of their names. “Euodia” means a “prosperous journey.” “Syntyche” means a “pleasant acquaintance.” –THE JOURNEY THESE TWO WOMEN WERE ON SURE WASN’T’ PLEASANT!

At one time they contended at Paul’s side in the cause of the gospel. But as he wrote this letter, they were at odds with each other. They were contentious, rather than content.

THESE TWO TEACH US A LOT ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF RESOLVING CONFLICT.

Paul pleaded with these two to agree with each other in the Lord,--their issues with one another were causing division in the church..

AT HOME, JUST AS IN THE CHURCH, RESOLVING CONFLICT IS VITAL. This step is SO important but a lot of people quit before they ever get here...they just keep lapping the same problems. They go round and round and have the same fights over and over again—they NEVER resolve anything.—and when the subject comes up the other person doesn’t listen anymore because, what would be the point?

• “I’ll get around to it” needs to be replaced with a “date and a time”.
• Instead of ending with “yeah we really need to work on that”—stay with the conversation until you can “implement a plan that stops the destructive behavior.”

If the conversation doesn’t end with a plan to make improvements, then it was a waste of your time and theirs.

Don’t leave your differences all wrinkled—IRON them out.

• Reaffirm your commitment to the relationship.
• Reaffirm your love for each other.
• Reaffirm your love for God.

Remember, when God is in the equation there is always a solution.