Good Marriages Don't Just Happen

Love is blind but marriage is a real eye opener.
It is amazing what a difference a few years make. The Wedding Day is filled with joy and expectation—its a day full of memories, soft candles, beautiful music, rings exchanged, and promises made. Then...the marriage begins.

Joe Aldridge, in his book, Secrets to Inner Beauty, writes this, “When two imperfect people fall in love strange things happen. Logic and rationality go out the window, blindness sets in. Overcome with ecstatic paralysis they float away on their cloud built for two. Marriage, however, has a way of ending this glowing period of simulated perfection. It doesn’t take long for the newlyweds to discover that everything in one person nobody’s got. They soon learn that a marriage license is just a learner’s permit.”

One of the passages of Scripture that is read at almost every wedding is 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Its chosen because it is so poetic but I wonder if we really listen to it. Let’s hear it today. Lets unpack it so that we can be more intentional about our marriages—because, Good Marriages Don’t Just Happen.

1 Cor 13:4-8a (NIV) “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

From this passage we get 6 things to work on to help make our marriage great:

1. Good marriages require Consideration.
1 Cor 13:4 (NIV) “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.”
Eph 4:2 (NIV) “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

2. Good marriages require Compromise
1 Cor 13:5 (NIV) “It is not rude, it is not self-seeking...”
1 Cor 13:5 (LB) "... Love does not demand its own way."

3. Good marriages require Communication.
1 Cor 13:5 (NIV) “...it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
Prov 18:21 (NIV) “The tongue has the power of life and death...”
Prov 12:18 (NIV) “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

4. Good marriages require Christ.
1 Cor 13:6 (NIV) “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”
John 14:6 (NIV) “Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

5. Good marriages require Commitment.
1 Cor 13:7 (NIV) “It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
Malachi 2:16 (GN)"`I hate divorce,' says the Lord ... `Make sure that you do not break your promise to be faithful…”

6. Good marriages require Courtship.
1 Cor 13:8a (NIV) “Love never fails.”
Proverbs 5:19 (NCV) “...Let her love always make you happy; let her love always hold you captive.”
Ecc 9:9 (Msg) “Relish life with the spouse you love Each and every day of your precarious life. Each day is God’s gift...Make the most of each one!”

Harvard University did a study and discovered that the divorce rate in America is 1 out of every 3 marriages. However, when a couple is married in a church ceremony, attend church regularly, pray together, and read the Bible together, the divorce rate drops to 1 out of 1,105 marriages. That's the difference Christ makes.

The key to fellowship with your mate, joy with your mate, is that both of you live in God's presence. When we are committed to Christ and our spouse is committed to Christ, it will naturally draws us closer together. Spiritual harmony & spiritual oneness brings about emotional oneness.

It is true that good marriages don't just happen but they certainly CAN happen! I hope your's is one of them! :)

How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage

A heavy rain had been falling as a man drove down a lonely road. As he rounded a curve, he saw an old farmer surveying the ruins of his barn. The driver stopped his car and asked what had happened.
“Roof fell in,” said the farmer. “Leaked so long it finally just rotted through.”

“Why in the world didn’t you fix it before it got that bad?” asked the stranger.

“Well,” replied the farmer, “I just never seemed to get around to it. When the weather was good, there weren’t no need for it, and when it rained, it was too wet to work on!”

This post is about taking the necessary steps before something catastrophic happens to your marriage.

THE PATH OF AN AFFAIR
1. We get LAX with the RIGHT things. (Proverbs 7:1-9)
2. We get FIXATED on the WRONG things. (Proverbs 7:10-21)
3. We get CAUGHT doing the BAD things. (Proverbs 7:22-27)

THE PREVENTIVE STEPS TO AVOID AN AFFAIR
1. Make a commitment to God’s standard of morality.
Psalm 119:9 (NIV) “How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word.”
Ecc 5:4-5 (NIV) “When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it.”

2. Manage your mind.
Romans 12:2a (NIV) “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
Romans 13:14b (NIV) “…do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.”

3. Monitor your media intake.
Psalm 101:3a (NIV) “I will set before my eyes no vile thing...”
Romans 16:19 (NIV) “…I want you to be wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil.”

4 Minimize opportunities to be tempted.
Proverbs 4:14-15 (NIV) “Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evil men. Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way.”
1 Cor 10:12 (NIV) “So, if you are thinking you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!”

5. Maintain proper relationships.
1 Cor 15:33 (NIV) “Don’t be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’”
1 Timothy 5:1-2 (NIV) “Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.”

6. Maintain your marriage.
1 Cor 7:3 (GNT) “A man should fulfill his duty as a husband, and a woman should fulfil her duty as a wife, and each should satisfy the other’s needs."
Song of Solomon 8:6 (GNT) “Close your heart to every love but mine; hold no one in your arms but me...”

7. Magnify the consequences.
Proverbs 6:32 (NIV) “...a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself.”
Proverbs 6:26 (GNT) “…adultery will cost him all he has.”
Hebrews 13:4 (GNT) “Marriage is to be honoured by all, and husbands and wives must be faithful to each other. God will judge those who are immoral and those who commit adultery.”

Understanding Your Wife’s Deepest Needs

Understanding his wife’s deepest needs is the responsibility of every husband. God expects a man to honor his wife otherwise it will interfere with his relationship with God. 1 Peter 3:7 (ISV) puts it this way, “In a similar way, you husbands must live with your wives in an understanding manner, as with a most delicate vessel. Honor them as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing may interfere with your prayers."

It is a husband's job to meet his wife's needs. However, (and this is where it gets confusing) her needs are not the same as his needs! Consequently, if a husband tries to meet his wife's needs by duplicating his own needs, he will fail. A husband meets his wife's needs by first discovering what her needs are! Thankfully, there is a great book that helps him do that.

The book "His Needs/Her Needs" is the result of thousands of couples studied over a period of 25 years. The author discovered that most women would site the following five needs as priority in her life.

1. MY WIFE NEEDS ME TO BE AFFECTIONATE. (Colossians 3:19; Ephesians 5:28-30)
2. MY WIFE NEEDS ME TO TALK TO HER. (Proverbs 13:17; Phillipians 2:1-2; Philippians 2:4)
3. MY WIFE NEEDS ME TO BE COMPLETELY TRUSTWORTHY. (Proverbs 26:23; Proverbs 12:22)
4. MY WIFE NEEDS ME TO BE FINANCIALLY SUPPORTIVE. (1 Timothy 5:8; Proverbs 12:9; Proverbs 21:20)
5. MY WIFE NEEDS ME TO BE COMMITTED TO THE FAMILY. (Proverbs 5:15; Ephesians 6:4;
Ecclesiastes 10:18; Ephesians 5:25)

If a husband learns to meet these needs he will be irresistible to the lady in his life.

New Sermon Series: the MARRIAGE REFeree

In this series we will discuss topics that are relevant to every marriage and then see how God, our Marriage Ref, would “make the call.” Each message in this series is packed full of insight to help us have the fulfilling relationship God wants us to have. For those who are not married, the lessons learned will equally enrich your relationships and friendships.

Understanding Your Wife’s Deepest Needs (May 9, 2010)
How To Affair-Proof Your Marriage (May 16, 2010)
Good Marriages Don’t Just Happen (May 23, 2010)
How To Get Them To Listen (May 30, 2010)
How To Fight Right (June 6, 2010)
Understanding Your Husband's Deepest Needs (June 20, 2010)
Weathering The Storms Of Life (June 27, 2010)